Making mr right match makers6/11/2023 I started in 1986 following these people over time! One thing I’ve found is that when people identify specific qualities they need in a partner, they are significantly more likely to find love/relationship (again someone who matches about 12/15 qualities, 80% of the qualities). It is a long-term research project, funded by the National Institute of Health. The list of 15 qualities requires you to prioritize what you desire in a partner.Īnswer: I’ve been studying the same 746 individuals for over 30 years now. And most importantly, remember that as you date, no person is perfect and can match all of what you want or need in a partner. You are looking for a potential partner who meets about 80 percent of these qualities (12 out of 15 qualities), as a better-matched partner is more likely to make you happy in a relationship. Right will make you happy, and if he or she has your best interests at heart. Instead of worrying about what your date thinks of you, as you might have done before reading this article, your list will help you to determine if Ms. Once you start dating, your list will become an invaluable tool it will remind you to make sure that your needs and desires are being met. Also, bear in mind that your list of desired qualities may change over time. After your revisions are complete, keep your list close to you so you can read, review, and revise it regularly. Listen to their feedback about why a specific quality may not be best for you. Use your friends or family as a sounding board, get their reactions and comments, and then revise your list accordingly. Once you have your list of qualities, share your list with a friend or family member. The big message here is that being specific makes you question the true qualities you want in a partner. These are all very different definitions of the word “successful,” and, depending on which definition you go with, you’ll end up with very different people who would possess very different qualities. Making a specific list will also allow you to recognize and identify if someone you meet has the qualities you are looking for.įor example, if you have the word “successful” on your list, this could mean that you want someone with a “good respectable job.” It could also mean that your partner has a lot of friends, is happy with his or her life and job, or is optimistic about the future and has a clear set of goals and accomplishments. Being specific will push you to reflect and think about which qualities you really want in a partner and which ones don’t matter at all. Why do you need such a detailed list? It’s important to be specific because qualities like “funny,” “being good with children,” or “tall” mean something different to each and every one of us. Remember, you need to limit the right side qualities to only 15 specific qualities, so make sure you prioritize. If “funny” means having a dry sense of humor, telling jokes, or being witty-be that specific. If “tall” means “at least 5 feet 10 inches,” write that down. Instead, write down exactly what these words mean to you. For example, saying you would like someone “pretty,” “tall,” “handsome,” or “funny” is far too general. These are the characteristics that are a priority to you and they need to be very precise. Then, in the right column, select the 15 qualities (no more, no less!) that you would like in a romantic partner. In the left column, list partner characteristics that first come to mind. Does the person’s age or physical appearance matter? What about their ethnicity or cultural background? Are they sensitive, inquisitive, strong-willed, or easy-going? Are they sexy or fun? Do they share any of your key life values? This piece of paper will become your “these are the qualities I must have in my new partner” personal shopping list. To start, grab a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. It streamlines the process, keeps you from making random choices, and helps you to not waste time. Before you jump back into the dating world (or if you’re already there, step back for just a few minutes….and) take the time to ask yourself: “What do I need or want in a partner?”ĭefining the type of person you want to be with is a little like making a shopping list before you head out to the grocery store. Most people don’t take the time to think about what they need in a romantic relationship (or in a partner) until they are already in a relationship, or until they are dealing with a relationship that doesn’t work. Do you know what the “right partner” would look like if you met him/her today? What specific qualities are important to you in a romantic partner?
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